Thursday, August 16, 2012

Redheads Are Dumb

My wife, my daughter, and I were driving to dinner last night. We were stopped at a traffic light behind a red Honda Pilot when my daughter pointed out the license plate frame. The top of the frame said "Blondes" and the bottom said "Aren't Dumb", Aren't Dumb was upside down.

Alissa chirps from the backseat, "That's funny."

I pointed at my wife's hair, "Are you sure about that?"

Alissa, without hesitation, "That's OK mom's not really blonde."

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

She Is Already Breaking My Heart

It's a great time of year. Football is starting. The World Series is just around the corner. And soccer season starts!

I have coached my daughter's soccer teams for the last three years, The Pink Puppies, The Sunshine Girls, and The Brazilian Cheetahs.

I love coaching.

I was looking forward to this season because the girls are getting to the age where they really start to play the game like it is supposed to be played. It won't just be one big gang of girls surrounding the ball and running up and down the field. They should know the by rules now, and they should be able to pass and dribble the ball.

Alissa is pretty good too. I wouldn't say she is the best talent out there, but she is one of the better athletes.

Unfortunately Alissa and her evil mother have made different plans. Alissa wants to go to dance class instead of soccer, and my wife made it happen!

Damn her!

What the hell am I going to do now?

Oh yeah, Football and World Series.

And I'm not taking up dancing.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Call Me Old School...

...I take my clothes off for a shower.

Apparently the boys on my son's freshman football team do not.

Back in my junior high school days we started the whole shower thing. Sure it was awkward at first, but it didn't take long to get used to it.

Just don't pop a boner. You'll be labeled "boner boy" all the way through high school. It's true. I don't remember his name, but I remember "boner boy."

Maybe it's a money thing and schools can't afford water or a towel service. Two "must" things in order to take a shower.

I was surprised that my son went all the way through junior high without taking a shower after P.E. And P.E. was in the morning!

My son has been practicing with the freshman football team all summer and the showers have not been available. This week they finally were.

This was kind of a big deal. Austin is very shy. He won't pee in a urinal. He would rather use the toilet in the stall. Showers were going to be a huge step for him.

"Dad, guess what we did today! We got to use the showers!"
"Thank God, it's about time."
"I took all my clothes of too."
"Don't you normally do that?"
"Nobody else did."
"You are kidding!"
"No, they all wore their girdles."
"You were the only naked dude in the shower?"
"Yup!" Smile on his face.

God, I hope he didn't pop a boner. Maybe they will just call him "nature boy" instead.

He was very proud. He even called my wife at work to tell her about it.

So am I completely outdated or do high school kids skip the whole shower thing these days?

The Shiny Blue Bottle

My photo
Indio, California, United States
My 9-year-old daughter gave me a bottle for my birthday. She told me the shiny blue bottle was filled with her love. I'm not sure I'll ever get a better gift.