Tuesday, November 16, 2010

If She Could Just Learn To Talk With Those Eyes

My wife has told me about this kind of thing happening in her store. I believed her, but I didn't think I would get to experience it too.

Living in a resort community that has a lot of senior citizens has it's privileges.

Yesterday I was at my local Office Depot buying some stuff for a science project that I, I mean, Alissa is doing.

As I was standing in line behind an old lady who was arguing with the cashier about the price of her ink cartridge. I thought I heard something odd. I was pretty sure what it was, but didn't want to say anything.


I look at the cashier and he looks at me and we have this entire conversation with our eyes, "OMG, did she just do what I think she did?"


"Yeah, I KNOW she did!"


Unfortunately there was a third person there that hasn't learned the art of eye conversation, "Daddy, that's gross!"

I quickly turn to Alissa and snap her a look that said, "It wasn't me! It was her!"

She totally understood the look, she just didn't use her eyes to respond, "Oh, that's funny."


I didn't know how to spell the sound of a fart, so I Googled it. There were many versions. That spelling looked best to me.

The woman never acknowledged the farts or what Alissa said. I wonder if she even knew.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I Guess I Won't Be Going To Panera For A While.

Have you ever done something embarrassing, at least in your own mind, and then avoid the place or people who witnessed that embarrassing moment?

That happened to me earlier this month.

My wife and I had a really nice Italian dinner here, on our 25th wedding anniversary back in September.

We had the Bruschetta di Pomodori for an appetizer and thought that it would be an easy thing to make at home.

Sherri called me from work and said, "Why don't you buy a bottle of red wine and make that appetizer we had at Amore. You can just buy the kids a pizza."

I'm thinking, "If I don't screw this up, it could be a great night for me!"

Now I'm on a mission. I'm going to go to Panera for a Bruschetta and Henry's for some fresh garlic, tomatoes, basil, and some wine.

So I'm at Panera looking around for a loaf of Bruschetta and I'm not having any luck. I finally go to the counter and ask,"Do you have any Bruschetta?" The girl looks at me kind of funny and says, "No, but I can slice up a nice french baguette for you." "No, that's OK. I'll find it somewhere else." And I leave for Henry's.

Henry's has a bakery, so I thought I should find it there. But I was bummed out that Panera didn't have it. Sherri loves Panera.

I had the same kind of luck at Henry's. What the hell! So I go to the counter and it hits me as I'm gettting ready to ask this girl for help, "What kind of bread do you use for Bruschetta?" "Usually a french or country style bread." She responded. "Would you like me to slice one up for you?"  I'm such a dork. 

"Yes please. I'll take the french bread."

Monday, November 1, 2010

Works Better Than Netflicks

This is a busy time of year for me. Like there isn't a busy time for me! It is just extra busy.

One time a year we close down the golf course and over seed it. The course will be closed for almost a month. The first week of that month involves a lot of work, that usually means 10 to 12 hour days. I am almost done with that.

Needless to say I come home very tired.

Two days ago I got home just in time to have to prepare dinner for the kids. I was very tired and was not in the mood for the usual drama that my loving children save for when mom or dad come home.

I just wanted to sip wine and  make dinner in peace.

Usually I can pick a movie on Netflicks and the kids semi-quietly watch it. But Austin is grounded from the TV until that "D" is raised to a "C".

If I was sipping wine and the little sister kept picking on the big brother, there might be an other Turfdad disappearance from the blogosphere.

So I pulled out my secret weapon.

I can put one of these in the outdoor fire pit and my kids will be hypnotized by the fire for the next two hours. It is almost scary. I hope that doesn't mean something about my kids. Should I be worried when they ask, "Dad, is it OK to burn this!" Although I did let Austin burn some crummy homework and tests.

So we ate outside. The kids got to burn some marshmallows and homework. I sipped wine by the fire. And my wife didn't see flashing red and blue lights in the front yard when she got home from work.

The Shiny Blue Bottle

My photo
Indio, California, United States
My 9-year-old daughter gave me a bottle for my birthday. She told me the shiny blue bottle was filled with her love. I'm not sure I'll ever get a better gift.