Tuesday, September 13, 2011

She Is Already Breaking My Heart

It's a great time of year. Football is starting. The World Series is just around the corner. And soccer season starts!

I have coached my daughter's soccer teams for the last three years, The Pink Puppies, The Sunshine Girls, and The Brazilian Cheetahs.

I love coaching.

I was looking forward to this season because the girls are getting to the age where they really start to play the game like it is supposed to be played. It won't just be one big gang of girls surrounding the ball and running up and down the field. They should know the by rules now, and they should be able to pass and dribble the ball.

Alissa is pretty good too. I wouldn't say she is the best talent out there, but she is one of the better athletes.

Unfortunately Alissa and her evil mother have made different plans. Alissa wants to go to dance class instead of soccer, and my wife made it happen!

Damn her!

What the hell am I going to do now?

Oh yeah, Football and World Series.

And I'm not taking up dancing.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Call Me Old School...

...I take my clothes off for a shower.

Apparently the boys on my son's freshman football team do not.

Back in my junior high school days we started the whole shower thing. Sure it was awkward at first, but it didn't take long to get used to it.

Just don't pop a boner. You'll be labeled "boner boy" all the way through high school. It's true. I don't remember his name, but I remember "boner boy."

Maybe it's a money thing and schools can't afford water or a towel service. Two "must" things in order to take a shower.

I was surprised that my son went all the way through junior high without taking a shower after P.E. And P.E. was in the morning!

My son has been practicing with the freshman football team all summer and the showers have not been available. This week they finally were.

This was kind of a big deal. Austin is very shy. He won't pee in a urinal. He would rather use the toilet in the stall. Showers were going to be a huge step for him.

"Dad, guess what we did today! We got to use the showers!"
"Thank God, it's about time."
"I took all my clothes of too."
"Don't you normally do that?"
"Nobody else did."
"You are kidding!"
"No, they all wore their girdles."
"You were the only naked dude in the shower?"
"Yup!" Smile on his face.

God, I hope he didn't pop a boner. Maybe they will just call him "nature boy" instead.

He was very proud. He even called my wife at work to tell her about it.

So am I completely outdated or do high school kids skip the whole shower thing these days?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

It's Not My Purse

I moved to the desert about 11 years ago.

And one thing you learn about living in such extreme heat is that it is tough on cars. Paint, interiors, tires, they all get beat up.

One thing you might not think about is your car battery. I probably get about 2 years at best out of a battery. Luckily the battery is usually under warranty and I get it replaced for free.

That was the case earlier this week. The battery in my car took a dump.

No big deal. I pull the battery, take it to Autozone, and they replace it.

There was one small problem. I had neck surgery about 4 weeks ago and I am not supposed to lift anything over 10 pounds. Batteries weight about 40 pounds.

My son was at football practice, so the only one available to help me out was my wife.

I disconnected the battery and Sherri did a pretty good job pulling it out. I thought it would be tougher because of the height of my SUV, but she was able to lift it out without dragging it across fender.

We drive to Autozone to have the battery checked out.

As we get out of the car Sherri asks me to grab her purse. This was probably pushing my 10 pound limit.

When I open the door for my wife I suddenly realize the picture as we enter the store. I'm carrying my wife's purse and she is hauling in this heavy battery. The looks I got were priceless.

The help was quick to help my wife, and they were quick to offer her help back to the car with the new battery. They never asked why she was carrying the battery.

Sherri felt like sharing, "My husband just had neck surgery and he can't lift anything."

My response, "No. I just like this purse."

The Shiny Blue Bottle

My photo
Indio, California, United States
My 9-year-old daughter gave me a bottle for my birthday. She told me the shiny blue bottle was filled with her love. I'm not sure I'll ever get a better gift.